25 Days of SHUT THE F@#K UP – Day 6

Day 6 – Ballghazi/Deflategate

I know I’m a little late on this, but I have to make my opinion on this matter heard if you don’t mind (or even if you do.) Typically, I don’t really feel the need to contribute to a conversation unless there’s an angle people haven’t looked at yet. And since I am smarter than just about every sports announcer/commentator/sports fan/athlete save perhaps Ryan Fitzpatrick, I usually do have such a perspective.

For over a week now, I don’t think a day has gone by where someone is bitching about deflategate. There’s two camps, if you don’t count the “couldn’t give less of a shit” camp. Either you’re on the “I’m sick of hearing about this bullshit” side of the fence, and think this should be a non-issue, or you want Brady and Belicheck on the end of a rope. As you know, I have never been a fan of the Cheatriots, but it may surprise you to know that… I’m with the non-issue crowd, but not for the reasons you’ve mentioned.

For instance, I’m not going to posit that “all teams do it” (you have no proof of that so shut the fuck up) so there’s no issue here.

I’m not going to quote science and say that it was the cold weather that deflated the ball.  That’s what we have pumps for.

“Deflategate” as it has come to be called resulted from a game where the Pats beat the Colts… 45-7. FORTY FUCKING FIVE TO SEVEN. Are you kidding me? Do you honestly think Tom Brady and crew needed to take a couple PSI out of the ball to run up the score on Andrew Schmuck and the Dolts? You have to be kidding me with this. LeGarrette Blount scored 3 of the Pats’ TDs. That’s 21 points. That is 3 x the number of points indianapolis got all game. And last I looked, the RB doesn’t really need to worry about the inflation of the ball.  It is no more or less likely that he would fumble based on the air pressure in the ball. If, with 3 seconds left in the game, Vinatieri shanked a 39-yeard field goal thereby causing the Colts to lose to the Patiriots by a score of 28 – 27  because someone deflated the ball to cause him to miss, then I say absolutely, string Belicheck and the rest of the Pats up by their pubic hairs. If the score is 45-7, no scandal on earth should take the focus off the fact that you got your fucking jocks dropped all over Foxboro and the Pats made you all their bitches. Shut the fuck up.

And you, fans, newscasters, SNL, everybody, SHUT THE FUCK UP ALREADY. You’re all embarrassing us as a species.

And finally, one more thing. “gate” does not mean “scandal.” Every scandal since 1974 has to have the word “gate.” appended to the end of it. Well, the very first “gate,” the “Watergate” scandal, got its name from the Hotel that was the focal point of the scandal. Know what that hotel was called? The WATERGATE hotel. It was not called the “WATER” hotel, with the word ‘gate’ attached to the end to denote “scandal.” So stop attaching “gate” to the end of every scandal. SHUTTHEFUCKUPGATE

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